Archive for November, 2011


When you’re having sex with another person, in 9/10, or maybe 99/100 cases, you are obligated to bring the other person to orgasm. More so, if its a casual fling or a one-night stand or a fuck-buddy. There is no other relationship between you besides the sex, go you are honor-bound to perform to the best of your abilities every time. With a steady partner, you always have the option of taking a rain-check, with the understanding that (a) you cannot complain when the same is done to you at a later point of time and (b) you have to return the favor (with interest, if you want to be all sweet about it) the next time. No two consecutive passes.

However, if you’re heterosexual and having sex with a female, you’ll know that getting them to orgasm on a regular basis is tough, which is somehow surprising, given the ability of women to achieve multiple orgasms. (I don’t know if this is an implicit confession of my personal ineptitude in bed and if it is, I must get better soon) While with men, you know that the grind is going to do it for them sooner or later, women are quite complex in bed. They have to be primed right, foreplay is paramount and you have to time yourself to make sure there is some synchronicity between your orgasm and hers. Coming together is a wonderful, wonderful experience. Try for it, don’t make it your aim. All this, when frankly, these things are the farthest from your mind. Which is why you have to practice and imbibe in yourself the pleasure of giving. Whenever you’re with a woman, make it your goal that she will not leave your bed without an orgasm. Learn to fuck better, learn to lick better, learn to suck better, to kiss better, hell, even to finger better (believe me, the last one will help you out, as much, if not more times than the others will). And these things only come through practice. Every time you fuck, let it be a learning experience. Remember the cues she gives and use them the next time. Use your imagination, use your strength, use your stamina. Learn, learn, learn. Learn to nudge, to push, to take the sexual experience to roads not taken before. Figure out your comfort positions. Figure out your orgasm positions. Experiment, experiment, experiment. Take your time learning. You’re not going to master it all the first time. If you DO get it right the first time, it was a fluke and it might not work the next time. This bit is important. It might not work the next time, but you can be darned sure that it will some other time. Keep it at the back of your mind. Encourage each other to communicate. The body gives its own cues, learn to recognize. Do things you’re not entirely comfortable thinking about. Try everything at least once, preferably twice. Learn to say no. Learn to hear no. Learn to go on after you’re done. Learn to go on till she is.

I’ve been wanting to write this for a long time (ever since I read this, actually) and it somehow appeared today. There’s probably more that I will add to this topic, over time. But let the crux get out there.

In connection with this, I’ve also created a small poll that I hope you’ll take time out to answer. Its anonymous of course, but as ever, I’d love to hear from you. For all my gay and lesbian friends out there, I couldn’t figure out a way to get you in on this poll, so do let me hear on that as well.

Everyone deserves a good orgasm. Even you.

P.S.: Oh, and men? If you think a woman is faking an orgasm after sex, see her post-orgasm reaction. If she’s still sprightly and seems energetic and ready (in any manner), she was mostly faking it. If she’s tired and spent out of her mind (and sore as hell), well, congratulations, you done good. (Although I must tell you that this is anecdotal, from stuff I’ve heard or discussed, but I’d love your feedback on this.)

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