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Archive for the ‘Not Sex’ Category

Blasphemy can take various forms.

This, for instance.

newcrap1

That’s the new, remixed version of Kate Nahin Kat Te from some new crappy movie.You can watch the new song in its entirety here – New Crap

The problem, sorry PROBLEM, here is that Sonakshi as an actress and a female has negligible sex appeal. Which is the least offensive way I can put this across.

You know who had/has oodles and oodles and – scientific term here – fucktons of sex appeal?

Sridevi.

Look at the original – OldSexxx

oldgold1

This screengrab has more sex than all of Sonakshi Sinha’s movies combined.

I want to rant, I really do. But if I rant here, then what to I do about the next one?

Do me a favor – watch the old video first – Here.

Its the original Mahi Ve, with Malaika – a goddess.

mv1

Now, the new one. Here. See.

They’ve replaced a goddess with a blue whale.

mvcrap

And not just any blue whale, but a beached blue whale in its death throes.

Why?

Is nothing sacred in this world?

 

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Random Musings

  1. Not an earth-shattering discovery, but amazing nonetheless how any tweet by a girl/woman on boobs will get an avalanche of replies. I mean, its been 4-and-a-half years since I stopped play acting as @SindianTadka and its just wow to still see the exact same Pavlovian response.
  2. I don’t go all #KidsTheseDays but yeah, been there done that.
  3. Related: What a wonderful, primal force sex is. I mean, it just is. As I reluctantly step into middle-age, seeing (relative) kids going down that path is just so much fun.
  4. Middle-age not grandpa age. But I’m nostalgic. So sue me. You can’t because you don’t know me. Except you. And you. And you. AND YOU. And you. But that’s it.
  5. Oh yeah, you too.
  6. Ohhhhh, read God’s Doodle: Life and Times of the Penis by Tom Hickman. Should be mandatory reading for anyone with a penis. The blurb says for anyone who is interested in penises, but I thought might be a tad too much for non-penis holders. Some of the parts just struck so close to home, I was laughing out loud in public transportation. Also, do not read in office meetings. Like I did.
  7. I’m still fascinated by the mechanics and minutiae of sex. Hmmm…
  8. I read the ridiculous Arre post on dick pics. Sigh. Nuances, ladies, nuances… Don’t make me mad.
  9. All been good. I hope?

Have lots of sex people. Aggression is best let out that way. Do it with consent and decide on safewords.

Ta!

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Watch this. You have ‘no choiss’.

Bhairavi Goswami couldn’t find anyone better than this model?  Whenever he appears, she has to literally make him do everything. Bollywood’s way more tougher than I thought. And she’s only 29, if Google is to be trusted.

You know things are truly WTF when even I refuse to contemplate masturbating to it.

 

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Siege Mentality

No, I’m not under siege yet. Maybe.

Right, I started writing this, and I’m already losing my nerve. Yeah, well, I’m not known for being the bravest man under the sun anyway.

I read the article a little late. Personally, I think it was a brilliant piece of link bait. 7 out of 10 paragraphs were completely about the man. That got lost completely, because at the start he says, this article is not about the man. Yeah, whatever. Now, the other three are:

The new legal regime, put in place after the December 16 gangrape, though well-intentioned, certainly seems draconian, and full of grey areas. The police are duty-bound to register a case as soon as they receive information, even if the complainant hasn’t come forward. The definition of sexual harassment has been widened to include ‘sexual overtures’ (like sending an email or a text message), demanding ‘sexual favours’ and ‘forcible disrobing.’

New laws

Frighteningly, the new law makes it clear that consent given under intoxication does not translate into informed consent. This means that a drunken consensual tumble with a woman can come back to haunt the man the next day, or even ten years later. This seems grossly unfair. And what about demanding sexual favours? Clinton, for example, was clearly demanding a sexual favour of Monica Lewinsky. But if a man offers to ‘go down’ on a woman – is he offering a submissive sexual favour or demanding one? Many Indian men admit privately that they feel they are under a state of siege. The bedroom has been criminalised. Is it going to be impossible to form relationships from now on? Have we as a society, yet again, swung from one extreme to another?

Let’s not forget that iconic feminists themselves have criticised hysterical feminism in the West. Doris Lessing once said, and I quote, “I find myself increasingly shocked at the unthinking and automatic rubbishing of men which is now so part of our culture that it is hardly even noticed. The most ill-educated and nasty woman can rubbish the nicest, kindest and most intelligent man and no one protests. What is happening to men?… Why did this have to be at the cost of men?”

The first paragraph ended on a stupid note. And was promptly and thoroughly dismembered in this article. No issues about that. The bit about hysterical feminism, that really was an “Aa bail mujhe maar” right? Forget.

Now, from a personal point of view, I kinda sorta understood where he was coming from, and before you all shout at me and thoroughly disown me, please remember I’m a good boy who wants nothing more than equal orgasms for men and women and that I’d be more than happy to be disabused yes? Also, mind you, this is more of a stream-of-consciousness chattering rather than any structured discourse.

Also, in the spirit of disclaimers, may I also say that yes, I do kind of understand the stuff an average girl/woman goes to the limits that a man can without actually being a woman. At least I think I do. And I hope that what I’ve written and tweeted earlier substantiates this.

Right, coming to why I am actually writing this, attempting to justify the injustifiable is because I think, I THINK that I got what the male author was trying to point out.

Let me start with a small anecdote. This is from my personal experience, although its been a while, more than a year back and before the Nirbhaya episode. I was traveling in a crowded bus and soon found myself behind this comely young(ish) woman. Unfortunately, there was very little room to maneuver and I soon found myself pressed against her in a very uncomfortable position. I tried pushing back etc. etc. Nothing doing. I was squashed. Usually in such situations, I turn around so that at least its just butt-to-butt contact and not crotch-to-asscrack. This time I couldn’t. And then the driver braked. The rest you can imagine. What I’ll never, ever forget is the cold, accusing stare the woman gave me as soon as we got our bearings straight. Her eyes were clear: You touched me sexually, inappropriately. And if the facts were laid in front of anyone, I guess I had. What was I supposed to do? I suppose I could’ve got down from the bus, taken another one and all sorts of other theoretical solutions. If it hadn’t been me, maybe it would have been another innocent male passenger.

My point being, if (a) the incident had occurred post-Nirbhaya and (b) the lady decided to make an issue out of it, I was cooked. Dead and buried. The crowd wouldn’t have wasted a second before beating me up soundly. I know, maybe the crowd would have asked the lady to not make an issue of it, to keep quiet. But in the charged atmosphere we live in nowadays, I don’t feel comfortable giving myself a more than 50% chance of survival in that situation. These are not calm-the-fuck-down-let’s-talk situations.

I felt ashamed that day, I really did. Why, I don’t know. I still feel bad for her. All of that lady’s experiences in the past were telling her, here’s another piece of shit making daily life hell for you. I think I know where she was coming from. And in this case, she was completely, utterly, wrong.

I don’t think men are under siege. But I definitely feel that in the battle for women’s rights, men are in the firing line for the first time. And while this is bad news for bad men, its even worse for the non-bad ones. There will be civilian casualties in this war. I can only hope I don’t become one of them. And what happens when the war is won?

Right, where was I before grandiloquenting?

Right, ‘sexual overtures’. I have problems with this. Technically, if a man sexts with a woman, and she deletes all the messages/emails which she sent to him, and keeps only the ones he sent and reports it to the police, do we really think the Indian police is technically qualified to find out the deception quickly enough to not charge the guy? Or are they bound to register a complaint, arrest him and then jail and procedure, procedure, procedure? I don’t know.

Also, when he says that men feel under siege, what he means is that men now have to be much more careful while looking for affairs and/or one night stands. Before, during and after an existing relationship. When he says the bedroom is being criminalized, he means to say that men now have a smaller bandwidth in terms of how they can invite women into their bed. Which is a good thing when I put it like this. Why was I confused earlier then? Right, because any woman with malicious intent can easily, easily ruin a man. For what, who knows? But this law gives them the power, yes? I don’t know, please let me know. This law asks men to maintain what are conventionally called “higher” morals, albeit in a roundabout way. Should a man be ruined because of his weakness for the flesh? Not fondness, mind you, but a weakness. I am no man to judge. But the new laws give every jilted woman lover with a few pieces of electronic or physical evidence to utterly destroy a man. Is that fair? I don’t think so.

What happens, if say an extremely social-conscious aunty gets tipsy at a party and decides to finally get it on with the new hunk in the neighbourhood and she’s caught coming out of the house next morning and cries I was drunk, I couldn’t take an informed decision, he took advantage of me. I don’t know.

What happens to checking women out? There are several rather lovely ladies at my organization. What happens if one of them decides a male colleague (or me for that matter) has been “behaving inappropriately by way of intimidatory eye contact”? Long ago, The Ranee told me women have the radar. I laughed and agreed. Now, I can only hope that the radar is bang-on accurate too, or else who knows, I may be screwed next.

(Before I forget, can anyone send me/link me to a copy of ‘The New Rape Law’? I’d really like to be aware, thanks.) (That sounded better in my head.) (Writing about it without reading is stupid, yes? But I wanted to write down my feelings now, as what a normal guy on the street who lusts after women would.)

Hmm, writing this down has helped a bit. If males are feeling under siege, maybe this gives us an idea of what the average woman goes through on a nearly daily basis. Maybe this will help us fight more for a normal women’s rights, just so that an average man’s rights are kept safe too. Its time we got careful.

(P.S.: This is what happens when I get idle weekends. Tcha. I’ll make sure I come up with something inane soon.)

(P.P.S. I really should’ve read the entire female POV article before I wrote my shit. She puts it much better than I could. Basically, En Garde men. Now I just feel stupid. So publishing without editing.)

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And then there were (almost) none…

I’m done.

The ‘Sindian Tadka’ persona rests tonight.

There will be no more tweets, no more stories, no more pictures of naked ladies and nude men.

It has been a good journey, a pleasure. More than two years now. I never thought this would last this long.

I’ve enjoyed this a lot, made friends. At least, I like to think of some of you as friends. I hope you do too. If you want, you can stay in touch. Look around, you’ll know how.

At first I thought I’d talk about all you people who I’ve interacted with in some form or another, but there are too many of you; just know that I remember. But I simply cannot leave without mentioning our little ‘gang’: Me, The Ranee, Enjundia and LonelyEyes and for a brief while, IndianErotica. We had fun. We tried… something. I hope people remember us. I know you won’t. Everything goes on.

Funny, I thought I’d have more to say when this day came; turns out I don’t. I hope all of you had fun. I know I did.

“Let us not unman each other; part at once; all farewells should be sudden, when forever.”

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Another New Year…

I am being lazy. Again. I have a post half-done, which I will finish by the end of this month, but its been 15 days into the New Year and I didn’t want this blog to be slumming around in the year gone past.

So, I thought, why not take the lazy way out? Here it is, ladies and gentlemen, Sindian Tadka’s top-five most popular (judged on basis of number of visitors) posts in the year gone by! Without counting the home page (obviously). Some of you may have read all of them, some of you may not wish to, and for the others, come in, have a look!

In descending order,

5. May I, Ma’am? – Part one of my three-part ‘Letters to Penney’ series. I so thoroughly enjoyed doing this, although nowhere near what I would enjoy doing Penney. Nostalgia’s a bitch. (January 2011)

4. Cock-A-Hoop – You want to know what the actual average length of an Indian penis is? Go see. This post was even shared on Facebook by somebody. Want to tell me who? (March 2011)

3. No Nudity Wasted – The finale of the Penney series. The Ranee posted a reply to it, which is as high a compliment as I had hoped to get. (February 2011)

2. Of Booblessness – My rapidly-cooling rant against the trend of Bollywood Boobs getting smaller, a sentiment shared by a lot of people, as I would come to know. (September 2011)

1. Twenty Opposites – My love for the world to see. One sinful afternoon with @mentalexotica. Really, what else could compare? (July 2011)

And there you have it, my most popular posts of 2011. I have wisely decided not to reveal the actual numbers so you don’t end up on the floor, laughing your guts out.

Permit a man his indulgences, yes?

May your year give you cause for satisfaction at the end of it.

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Nuggets

When you’re having sex with another person, in 9/10, or maybe 99/100 cases, you are obligated to bring the other person to orgasm. More so, if its a casual fling or a one-night stand or a fuck-buddy. There is no other relationship between you besides the sex, go you are honor-bound to perform to the best of your abilities every time. With a steady partner, you always have the option of taking a rain-check, with the understanding that (a) you cannot complain when the same is done to you at a later point of time and (b) you have to return the favor (with interest, if you want to be all sweet about it) the next time. No two consecutive passes.

However, if you’re heterosexual and having sex with a female, you’ll know that getting them to orgasm on a regular basis is tough, which is somehow surprising, given the ability of women to achieve multiple orgasms. (I don’t know if this is an implicit confession of my personal ineptitude in bed and if it is, I must get better soon) While with men, you know that the grind is going to do it for them sooner or later, women are quite complex in bed. They have to be primed right, foreplay is paramount and you have to time yourself to make sure there is some synchronicity between your orgasm and hers. Coming together is a wonderful, wonderful experience. Try for it, don’t make it your aim. All this, when frankly, these things are the farthest from your mind. Which is why you have to practice and imbibe in yourself the pleasure of giving. Whenever you’re with a woman, make it your goal that she will not leave your bed without an orgasm. Learn to fuck better, learn to lick better, learn to suck better, to kiss better, hell, even to finger better (believe me, the last one will help you out, as much, if not more times than the others will). And these things only come through practice. Every time you fuck, let it be a learning experience. Remember the cues she gives and use them the next time. Use your imagination, use your strength, use your stamina. Learn, learn, learn. Learn to nudge, to push, to take the sexual experience to roads not taken before. Figure out your comfort positions. Figure out your orgasm positions. Experiment, experiment, experiment. Take your time learning. You’re not going to master it all the first time. If you DO get it right the first time, it was a fluke and it might not work the next time. This bit is important. It might not work the next time, but you can be darned sure that it will some other time. Keep it at the back of your mind. Encourage each other to communicate. The body gives its own cues, learn to recognize. Do things you’re not entirely comfortable thinking about. Try everything at least once, preferably twice. Learn to say no. Learn to hear no. Learn to go on after you’re done. Learn to go on till she is.

I’ve been wanting to write this for a long time (ever since I read this, actually) and it somehow appeared today. There’s probably more that I will add to this topic, over time. But let the crux get out there.

In connection with this, I’ve also created a small poll that I hope you’ll take time out to answer. Its anonymous of course, but as ever, I’d love to hear from you. For all my gay and lesbian friends out there, I couldn’t figure out a way to get you in on this poll, so do let me hear on that as well.

Everyone deserves a good orgasm. Even you.

P.S.: Oh, and men? If you think a woman is faking an orgasm after sex, see her post-orgasm reaction. If she’s still sprightly and seems energetic and ready (in any manner), she was mostly faking it. If she’s tired and spent out of her mind (and sore as hell), well, congratulations, you done good. (Although I must tell you that this is anecdotal, from stuff I’ve heard or discussed, but I’d love your feedback on this.)

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